I recently had the chance to spend a holiday with my 90-year-old grandmother while we visited with my parents, sister and her children.

It was a heartwarming week filled with laughter, home-cooked meals and (probably) too much wine. 

At one point, my mother, grandmother and I discussed the notion of where one decides to reside – does it really matter, or does it come down to one's attitude? While my family calls Kelowna home, my grandmother has lived in Toronto for the bulk of her life. 

It doesn't seem to matter where you go, but most cities are plagued with a reputation of being "difficult to infiltrate" filled with cliques and insular communities – the perception that some individuals are unwilling to let newcomers in due to territorial and protectionist behavior. 

My mother and grandmother argued that in spite of these difficulties, it really is attitude that is key.

Waiting for opportunities or friends to fall in your lap just isn't a realistic approach – you'll likely live a pretty lonely life. While I agreed with this to a certain extent, I took the position of devil's advocate – sometimes it really is a two-way street.

Rejection can be incredibly isolating. When you move or live in a place where the majority of residents have been for most of their lives surrounded by family, long term friends, and coworkers – certain laziness can be apparent. Lack of effort can be attributed to an inability to empathize. 

While we shouldn't change who we are to fit in with groups that don't align with our values, checking in with ourselves is important. Kindness, empathy and confidence go a long way – and these are all skills that are learned, not inherent.

What's your take – is it all about attitude?