I recently had the opportunity to hear Canadian author and sexologist, Shan Boodram, speak in promotion of her new book: The Game of Desire. 

A friend had invited me to come along, and truthfully I went in a little skeptical as it was advertised for women who struggle with dating, have been single a long time and are in need of a "reset" to determine where they have fallen short in the dating game. I haven't been single since I was 18, so I wasn't sure if any of her tactics or advice would apply to me. 

I couldn't have been more wrong. Shan shared the great disconnects in our society: how we have systems in place to prepare us for prospective careers, yet we don't educate ourselves on emotional intelligence or empathy. 

When we enter the dating arena, we assume a future mate will just "know" how to be a perfect partner – that's akin to assuming someone who's never ridden a bike, knows how to win the Tour de France. Why do we continue to set ourselves up for failure? 

Shan created a workbook to take a deep look at yourself: What is your attachment style? What's your Meyers Briggs score? Where do you fall on the Kinsey scale? What are your frozen fives (the top five attributes you need in a prospective mate). 

Even if you aren't single, this is a phenomenal book that will require you to take a long, hard look at yourself or where you might be missing the mark in your career, friendships, relationships with family, or any area you might be struggling. It's an exercise many of us refuse to do, because we're scared at the realities we might encounter. 

A particularly controversial exercise she suggests, is reaching out to a past ex to ask where you may have fallen short. This advice comes with a caveat, however: do not reach out to an ex whom you had a toxic, abusive or just overall bad relationship with. Leave those people in the past. Only reach out to someone who you are on good terms with, or better yet, ask a friend of family member for constructive criticism.

Whether you're single or feeling stagnant in your life, I highly recommend this book. At the very least, it's a fun read, and you'll most certainly learn something new.