We're bombarded with advice these days from self-help books, TED Talks, homework from our therapists – and evidently from lifestyle columns!

I didn't use to be very good at building connections. I'd force myself upon the wrong people, putting them on a pedestal, and trying to be just like them.

I'd say the things I thought they'd want to hear or behave in a disingenuous way that almost always resulted in not getting a phone call or email back. 

What I've come to learn over the past 15 years in my work as a freelancer and consultant, is that you need to get to know people on a personal level and establish trust before you can start asking them for favors or opportunities.

If all you ever do is talk shop or grill them on their expertise, they'll tire of your company and avoid you wherever possible. 

I've found the following tactics to be very useful in my professional career, having established strong, long term connections with many people that have resulted in partnerships and successful businesses.  

1. Stop trying so hard

There's something to be said for doing and saying less.

Stop trying to be what people think you should be. Just be. Give, but also allow yourself to receive – let it flow. 

2. Don't be yourself 

We're conditioned throughout our lives and especially in childhood to "just be ourselves" – but what if that version is disagreeable, or not an overall pleasant person?

Traits such as confidence and kindness aren't just "blessed" upon certain people – they are skills that have been learned and honed over time. It is possible to reset or update to a new and improved version of yourself, it just takes a certain measure of self-awareness and lots of practice. 

3. Talk less and listen more

We all know the types – and there is no shortage of them in our unabashedly "me" centric society – the people who don't listen, interrupt and talk non stop. These people are energy vampires and are a surefire repellent to forming new connections.

The next time you're with family, friends or attending a business function – make a point to listen more and talk less. Don't just listen while you wait for your turn to speak – really listen – and you'll see a massive shift in how others respond to you. We all just want to be heard and seen – so be that person who does. 

4. Assume the best of everyone

It's so easy to make judgments of others, without knowing the inner workings of their lives. Maybe they're having a bad day, insecure, or they actually just don't like you.

Even if that is the case – is that the end of the world? Instead of assuming someone is a snob, take a moment to talk and get to know them – you'll likely be surprised each and every time you chose to see the best, as opposed the worst, in someone. 

5. Aim higher 

I once saw a quote regarding competition – most of us exist in an arena of mediocrity, resulting in equally average outcomes. Very few of us opt to set our sights higher and exist within a more prestigious echelon.

The thing with choosing to compete with more successful and smarter people is that there are very few of them. Yes, it will require harder work, but you'll likely see results quicker because there are so few people willing to make the sacrifices it requires for real, tangible success.  

What techniques work for you in forming connections?